Lord, I’m sorry

Lord, thank you that you purposed to draw me closer to yourself
Closer, with all
my stinking wounds, my wretchedness and unfaithfulness
Throughout , you have remained faithful -a loyal husband to me, a stubborn, nagging, dissatisfied wife.

Lord, forgive me
Let me repent of the times I have saddened your heart
All the times I have mistrusted your leading
All the times I have rejected or minimised your provision, or refused your word ‘Wait’.

You said ‘There’, not ‘Here’ and I questioned – making my own cushion, pillow. Thrusting (sic)  my gifts and calling with people and in places full of holes. Coming  away bruised and empty. 

All the time, you were protecting me, shielding me, whilst I baukled and stiffened, seeking to throw myself headlong into that danger, into that pit.

Thank you for staying with me, as I kicked at your shins like a tantrumed child. Thank you for not letting go as I stiffened my neck, my back, my  lip.

Now Lord, I fold and crumble, crestfallen and weary.
Pick me up? Please….?

Smooth out the creases.
Take off the fluff, the stuff,
Take out the bumps, the stones the wrinkles.
Help me get up, stand tall
Help me start all over again.

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