minister5writes

I have been busy in the past few days focusing on my assignments, but Praise God, I am almost at the finish line and have been given the opportunity to write this today. 

When you reflect on God’s goodness and what He has done in your life, it may not be noticeable to others in the physical, but God is working behind the scenes.

Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose”.

I did not have the usual upbringing; I was away from my Mother for 10 years (I will have to share my full testimony one day). I was living with my Father and Stepmother during this time. My Father never played the father role in my life; growing up, he was a bully. He used to be emotionally abusive, making fun of me and sometimes could be physically abusive towards me, so I grew up in a hostile environment.

One day, I fell off my bike on a school trip when I was younger. I remember walking through the front doors of the home, and I remember crying as it was a traumatic experience. I cut my lip and cut my knees and legs, but I remember my Father laughing at me. I know my difficulty with confidence stemmed from my childhood; regardless of this, I was always a happy child. Even then, the joy of the Lord was my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

When I started my first year of secondary school, I was told my Stepmother was leaving my Father; I remember the shock and crying as I was worried to embrace this new change, I would have to move to a new school and leave all the friends I made behind. 

I remember having a dream. I cannot remember it as clearly now, but it represented the fearful state I was in, a fear of unknowing. 

This was where fear crept in.

I chose to live with my Father in another city; he manipulated me to make that decision. I had to live with a woman I had never met who was now in a new relationship with my Father. 

I remember when I used to attend secondary school, as a new girl, I used to feel sick, and I knew it was a development of social anxiety. I became very insular and found speaking to people challenging—the fear of being hurt. People said I was weird as I did not speak; little did they know I was struggling inside. 

Fast-forward to when I first was reunited with my Mother after 10 years, meeting for the first time. I spent more and more time with her; she gave me the parental love I had never experienced and I wanted more and more. This led me to choose to leave my Father’s house, and I did not look back—a decision I felt God was helping me to make.

I felt free from my Father’s control and was overjoyed to begin my life again with my Mother by my side, which I had always longed for as a child. 

The other day, I was reminiscing and looking back at my first photographs with my Mother; I saw a girl with no confidence, consumed by fear and will low self-esteem.

I gave my heart to the Lord in March 2015. I have always believed in God. As a child, I would listen to Cece Winans Throne Room, which my Mother gave me, playing it on my pink stereo most nights, and say some prayers in the children’s prayer book my Mother gave me.

Although I was baptised in 2015, I was still struggling with fear and anxiety. I had scars/ wounds from my childhood trauma that I needed to heal from. I never grew up with my maternal side of the family; it is a big family! I remember always struggling at family gatherings; nobody understood. After losing my sister in 2013, I kept wishing she was still alive as she would always understand; we were very close. I got to the point where I felt alone. But God understood, and God saw. He is El Roi. 

I remember when I attended university for the first time, and my anxiety got worse; it was leading me to feel depressed, and I was thinking of even resulting to taking medication to manage it. However, God stopped me.

I remember when COVID happened and Mum told me to come home from university, I questioned whether I should, but obediently, I listened to my Mum – as Mothers always know best. 

I remember Mum praying for me. All the distractions and idols I had during this time, relationships, fell away. It was just me and God. I remember crying out to Him at night and feeling His vital presence for the first time. It was beautiful—I recommitted my life to Him from that moment. I was filled with the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and my prayer life took off.

Prayer was my first point of call to connect to God. I began feeding my relationship with Him. It is important to note that it is not about religion but a relationship. Gradually, He began to heal, deliver, and set me free. It has been a journey, but God has made me into the woman I am today.

2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here”.

God is turning things around, people who once never heard my voice are now beginning to.

I am embracing the new woman of God I am today.

I am grateful to God for my breakthrough and for how He moulds, shapes, and fills me to reflect on who HE WANTS ME TO BE AND WHO HE SAYS I AM. 

I may sometimes listen to the enemy’s lies, but I know he is under my feet (Romans 16:20). “And in all things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). 

At times I may struggle with fear, but I know God is by my side. “I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). As I look back at the photos of myself I once was, I see a completely different woman , I now see looking back at me a woman of God who knows her identity and is founded in Him. 

I wanted to write this testimony today, as Revelation 12:11 says: “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death”. People may see where you are now, but they do not see the journey that it took to get to where you are today and how you are still standing. 

It is Only God! 

Be encouraged if you are struggling with feelings of fear and anxiety; you shall and will overcome. 

PRAYER

Father, in the Name of Jesus,

We give you thanks, and we give you praise for this new day,

Bless your Holy Name,

Forgive us again, Lord, and cleanse us,

You remind us in Isaiah 41:10 to fear not as you are with us, be not dismayed as you are our God,

Strengthen us,

Lord and Help us,

Uphold us with your righteous hand.

Help those who have had a challenging past, a traumatic childhood and a problematic upbringing,

Thank you, Lord, that the past is not our future,

You know the plans you have for us,

plans to prosper,

not to harm you,

plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11),

Please help us to continue to find peace,

Thank you, Lord, that you heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3),

Set your people free from pain and sorrow,

Bring them out of the horrible pit,

out of the miry clay,

set our feet upon a rock,

establish our steps,

and put a new song in our mouths (Psalms 40:1-3),

Strengthen those struggling with mental health needs,

Deliver people from anxiety,

Fear and depression,

Break every chain,

Break every stronghold,

Break every generational curse,

May we be strong,

courageous, and bold,

You are with us wherever we go (Joshua 1:9),

Help us embrace the new and be in the fullness of who you created us to be,

Thank You that You first loved us, and You are our Heavenly Father,

Thank you that there is no fear in love,

but perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18),

Comfort those without Fathers or people with bad relationships with their Fathers or family members,

Please help us to continue to forgive,

Thank you that you are faithful,

and you will not let us be tested beyond our strength (1 Corinthians 10:13). 

Thank you for your healing power,

Thank you for your mercy and grace,

We continue to seek you,

and you will answer and deliver us from all fears (Psalm 34:4),

We give you all the honour and all the glory,

In your precious Holy Name,

Amen.

Written by Jaeger V 

15/11/24